Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
