If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
