Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
