I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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