can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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