Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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