What did we do last night that was yellow?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
