Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
