I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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