I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
