Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
