I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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