You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
