letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
