it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just pee around me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
