You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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