i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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