i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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