y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
