Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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