just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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