Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
