i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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