How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize