Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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