Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
