textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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