Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
