Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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