Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
