After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
