I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
