a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
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