i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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