Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
