I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
