Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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