My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
