absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
