They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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