High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
