If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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