I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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