I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
