Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
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I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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