Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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