Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
