It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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