She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
