OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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