so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize