If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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