I wish I could punch you in the face.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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