You don't have asthma, your pregnant
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
