At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's rum buckets o'clock
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
