I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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