i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
