i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
