The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
