Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
