if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im about as happy as oj after his trial
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm at about main and main street
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
