none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
