What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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