i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
