I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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