Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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