You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
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