someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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