I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Porn is love you can see.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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