just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
