Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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