Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
