handjob tips. give me some.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
