I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
