Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
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Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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