Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
