I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
