I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
