why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
