You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
