we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
