i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
A+ Viking dick
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
