He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
