3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
