I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
