WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
